Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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