So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.