Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.