i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend