I wish I could punch you in the face.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode