textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins