she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize