I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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