youre lurking in front of me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
