You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
