oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Randomize
