TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
