Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
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I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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