its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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