and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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