I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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