i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
