I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
