i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
