Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
either way he was missing a nipple.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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