As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
