I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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