Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize