The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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