was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
