I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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