i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
