you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
