I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
