My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize