are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
