My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
