Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
