eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.