Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.