So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Randomize
