So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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