Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!

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(805): Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter! http://tfl.nu/vj10

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(845): View more from New York

If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf

Replies (147) Good night (1848) Bad night (5590)
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(513): View more from Ohio

i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world

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(513): i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world http://tfl.nu/tdpx

Replies (70) Good night (8282) Bad night (826)
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(804): View more from Virginia

NEVER shave your cleavage hair.

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(804): NEVER shave your cleavage hair. http://tfl.nu/pogh

Replies (87) Good night (625) Bad night (9591)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

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(808): I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself http://tfl.nu/wwe7

Replies (12) Good night (1058) Bad night (3216)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

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(604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf

Replies (20) Good night (1089) Bad night (4663)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now

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(250): i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now http://tfl.nu/xz0v

Replies (8) Good night (825) Bad night (3868)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.

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(440): I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues. http://tfl.nu/ej4i

Replies (5) Good night (2820) Bad night (1095)
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(207): View more from Maine

Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.

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(207): Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america. http://tfl.nu/yc3t

Replies (7) Good night (2955) Bad night (814)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Why?

(609): View more from New Jersey

Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

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(609): My professor just gave us a margarita recipe. (1-609): Why? (609): Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life." http://tfl.nu/ong0

Replies (12) Good night (3289) Bad night (584)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?

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(814): The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave? http://tfl.nu/sauc

Replies (16) Good night (608) Bad night (3157)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.

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(508): I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night. http://tfl.nu/9irj

Replies (9) Good night (1118) Bad night (341)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.

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(508): It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law. http://tfl.nu/9zdw

Replies (8) Good night (1181) Bad night (499)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.

(309): View more from Illinois

You rock my world.

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(417): I just smoked weed out of a baked potato. (309): You rock my world. http://tfl.nu/p2ud

Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (437)
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(425): View more from Washington

My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer

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(425): My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/p8ct

Replies (2) Good night (943) Bad night (270)

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