There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
