the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
