Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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