No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
