Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
