I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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