i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
