hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
