my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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