Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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