Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
