3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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