Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
