T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
