the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We are all done wearing pants today
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
