Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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