are you still at the devil's house?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
