Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
