Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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