aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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