I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize