I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
