i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
